-Oscar Wilde
I was reading the last two comments/questions along with the quote I put in to the post, titled; "What a man wants in a woman?" and I realized something that might be coincidence or just my imagination running faster than is should, you tell me...
So upon reading your comments and answering to the best of my knowledge, I realized the first obvious point; all readers, I assume were female, and secondly; all seem to have questions surrounding this Mr. Charming yet unstable phantom like young man. He's oh so charming, yet not consistent, he fades in and out? Correct so far? Good, first we must examine why you as a woman feel the need to have this constant charm around. You see, I'm not choosing sides, but in a sense, you have been brain washed! Yes, I said it! Brain washed! You indulge yourself in a fantasy world of movies, books and elaborate tales of never-ending romances that quite simply are fictional. Based on a 'true story' or not, the key word is 'based' and even so its very skewed to get the audience attentive to what they want portrayed and taken in.
So in a nut shell, no man you meet on the street is going to be your Romeo, Johnny Castle, Edward Cullen, Noah Calhoun, Me, Aladdin or so on... If he is, great! Let him sweep you off you feet, but know that even the greatest of janitors work hard at what they do and sweeping is a job, everyone needs a break at some point. So cut him some slack, try to understand that you're comparing a mere mortal with a character created by the mind of fantasy and probably a woman projecting her ideal prince charming. (That all of you relate to, of course.)
To answer your questions, maybe he's tired of being the nice guy to no avail! As mentioned in a previous post, sometimes men need an occasional ego booster, tell him he's doing a good job and maybe give him credit and a break for being a gentleman and trying. Also, I do not attempt to know it all, and every situation, maybe he's just an asshole but you women put up a defensive wall that's nearly impenetrable. That wall, combined with the expectations of meeting the qualifications of your fantasy character make for pretty big shoes to fill. (Included in your wall is also that smug ideal that you as a woman have to keep up this tough facade that causes you to laugh at things that aren't funny, or act overly nonchalant when something is important to you just to name a few...)
Men can be romantic and sweep you off your feet but remember life is not a movie, there are ups and downs and real life issues that people struggle with, give him a chance to romance you in spaced out intervals and I promise things will work out, maybe.
TRUST ME, sort of.
yea man i definitely agree with u.. women think that we need to be perfect ..and that is almost impossible.. things happen and its hard to be perfect.
ReplyDeletei agree with u but it is hard to understand men... im glad i read this because sometimes i get too wrapped up in talking to a guy... dont get me wrong i always put what i want first but sometimes i get too happy i guess and maybe need to get down from that cloud
ReplyDeletewait... so do u believe that the worse u treat a guy or the less attention u pay to him the more he will come to u... sometimes i really think its true but from a guys perspective... what do u think?
ReplyDeleteok so im talking to a guy and he has a crazy exgirlfriend that is always threatening to do things... things are going well with us and he wants to date me but i dont think i should enter that whole issue ... HELP!!
ReplyDeleteok so i am a GUY... YES a GUY... and i have a question i was with my ex for a while and i am in love with this girl and now she decides the wants to do her own thing. i never fucked her over and was always the best I could to her and now she forgets all of that and decides to move on... what should i do.. because she hasnt made it clear to me that it will not work in the future.. she just claims shes young and needs her time. im confused because from what i read i did everything most these girls want and look where i end up.. maybe this is why guys turn bitter
ReplyDeleteComments #'s 1 & 2: I'm grateful to share my humble opinion, and to #2 stay on that cloud, its definitely not impossible to live a romantic lifestyle, however, know that even the greatest clouds fill with water and have to rain down at some point. Thats okay too, its all a cycle!
ReplyDeleteComment #3 I have NO idea what you're talking about haha, no I kid- I'm just trying to grasp the relevance of your statement to the post above, if any. Any who; in a sense you're on the right track. Not really the worse or the less attention you give him, because men love attention like anyone else, however, space is really important! Like I said men like to know you're independent and in doing so exhibiting a balance of attention and space, that will put you a step above from women who can't!
Comment #4: RUN AWAY, Far, far away! No, in all seriousness; if he wants to date he needs to speak to her maturely and not necessarily explain his new relationship but let her know that her behavior is inappropriate and you may need to tell him to do this! Once that was done... You're on your own, its up to your tolerance level. If she keeps on, he can only control her actions but so much, all he could do is remain respectful to you and show you that she doesn't matter. So don't spaz on him. You're other option is speak to her, but w/ caution, by the looks of it, I don't think that's best option... Good luck! Don't make any promises to him though while things are unfolding. I'm assuming you're young, so unnecessary drama is not healthy and a bad environment to get into/used to. Let me know what happens...
Comment #5: Well, I can tell you now man if you really love her; you got to let her go! It hurts like hell and I've been there but all you can really do is hope for the best. Because if you really treated her right, she'll realized that and come back, if not, lesson learned. Seriously, WOMEN HAVE NI CLUE WHAT THEY WANT! So one of your problems might have been that you've been doing all the things these other women are talking about and she just got tired of the same old thing! Change in our lives is very essential and she probably just got bored and needed a mix up. Especially with that "I'm young" line she used, she may be right though, people sometimes need to see whats out there and play the field sort of speak before they realize what they've had. I'll tell you one thing, if she does come back and you still want her don't push her away and make her fight too hard to get you back, thats unhealthy and it becomes a bad precedent! Even if you want her back the second she's willing to come back, show a tiny bit of resistance to show her what she did was wrong and then take her back with open arms and be clear that what she did was wrong but YOU understand why she had to and that you still love her just that much to take her back. Just make sure the blame game isn't played and be sure you switch your style up from time to time! Also, she could just be with someone else and your lucks not that great but either way you play your cards you should be fine, you seem like a good guy. Although its a rarity, no one is perfect and losing the one you love hurts! Don't dwell on or stress her to come back too much, it will only push her away! Let her know that you still care, love and will be there when she's willing to come back if that, now you just have to learn to love her from a distance. Its okay to love someone and not have them, as long as they know, you should be in good shape. Unless that is if your ex is a frequent reader of mine haha. That might not be a bad thing either.
TRUST ME, sort of.
i was wondering how do u know if a guy is actually feeling you or not . nowdays guys are so flirtatious with women u dont know how to take things... how do u know if a guy is actually feeling u or just acting like he would with other females.
ReplyDeleteMost recent comment: #6 I believe...
ReplyDeleteASK HIM! smh... you women and the complications haha-
No, on a serious note, to be honest, you're quite right now and days its completely challenging to know if someone is genuinely interested in you or not! For the most part you must learn to use you judgement and listen well, I know that's hard at times, however, hope is not totally lost, there are some ways to still see if someone is interested! One, is substance; meaning the content of his conversations with you are to be examined and not piece by piece but in bunches. If all he's flirting with you about is "sex this and sex that," or constant chatter about his big "err err ehem ego" etc he may not be that interested and just trying to see if he's eligible for your pants party! A good sign to tell if they are interested is if they're asking questioning to get to know you, i.e. (for example) favorite colors, movies, things to do, family, that kind of stuff. Be careful though because some of these things may not interest him right away, so like i said bunches- You may be an artist of some sort and he's always inquiring about seeing or hearing your work, that's another example of trying to get to know you in a different way. Also ,if he remembers. Okay, lets face it, not all of us have the best memories when it comes to things that surround the female idea of remembering but little things do count. So don't go throwing pop quizzes because they often scare men into making you compete as well and as good as your memory may suit you, be warned you might not remember the top speed to his dream car and or the stats surrounding his favorite athletes rookie season!
Now and days its rare men like to chat on the phone as well- for many reasons though, so don't be worried-- texting is sufficient for a lot of thing plus it eases the tension at times for shy guys. As always, too much of something is not a good thing... If he's willing to be on the phone with you a few hours a week as well, this may also be a good sign. (Give him a call every once in a while. Even if its a 5 min hi and bye, start slow...)
Remember, for the most part, unfortunately, you will get treated how you allow yourself to be treated. Take yourself seriously and at the end of the day, someone, if not most will as well.
Trust me, sort of.
so i was wondering what do u do when u are conflicted... I am talking to this guy that i really like and i think the feeling is mutual but he is so different then what i am used to he is very closed in at times he does things that makes me think he cares ( ex. he took me to a family get together)but he doesnt like to speak on the phone and sometimes is distant.... and i feel like maybe hes not someone i can actually see myself with because hes too much of a player... and i am conflicted because my exboyfriend still has feelings for me and wants to be with me and i feel selfish and want to keep him around. Do u think i should just completely move on.
ReplyDeletethis all looks so interesting to me... sooo i have a question i am kinds dating this guy (i guess).. i mean i met his fam and everything and he introduced me as his girl although he never asked me out... and a lot of the time hes really nice and always sending me sweet messages throughout the day.. but he never wants to go anywhere or initiates meeting up with me like he doesnt want to see me or something... i feel like unless i go out of my way to see him he would never try to come see me.... i really like him but i feel like he doesnt care.... or only cares when he wants... He is always complaining about his job and that he is always so tired afterward and blah blah... but to me its too many excuses because when i really want to see someone i will make it my business to see them especially if i am in a relationship with them....i just dont understand and dont know how to take this as... i understand he is not the typical guy i would date hes not always all over me like others but its always good to feel like u are cared for once in a while and he says he cares but doesnt show it... to me actions speak wayyy louder then words and there are no actions coming from him... HELP!!!
ReplyDeleteits the same person as the post b4... sorry i wrote so much but it would be great if u can tell me what i should do cuz i want to try things out and make it work but i dunno what to do or how to act... and sometimes i just get so upset cuz im not big on arguments i just like to talk things out and when i tried to tell him how i felt he was just upset and then he just got mad and didnt pick up my phone calls on some childish level... am i too in over my head... what to do???
ReplyDeletehi. i am in need of some good advice and u seem to know your stuff. so i was wondering what i should do because i have been with a guy for a couple of years and i really feel that i cant be with him anymore. I feel awful cuz he wants to be with me but i just dont want to be with him... i just dont feel it anymore and i dunno how to break it to him that i moved on.
ReplyDeleteIm in such a dilema... i was dating this guy and everything seemed to be going well... i met his fam and all... and i really like him and he claims he cares about me so much... but he started acting funny and im real straight up so i asked him whats up? and he said that he just wanted to concentrate on his own stuff like school and work blah blah... he said he cant give me "100% right now" so hed rather not half ass the relationship... im just wondering that code for i dont want anything to do with u ( even though he says he still wants to be close with me) or is he being genuine. I just feel that this is the biggest bullshyt excuse to break up with someone. I dunno cuz im not the kind to ask a lot of ppl. i dont want his all... just for him to care enough.. what do u think might be the deal???
ReplyDelete